Screw the Whales

January 8, 2010 Leave a comment

Big headline for Thurs Jan. 7th, 2101 … Boat damaged in anti-whaling clash in Antarctica

This may be the first time that I make a statement like this in my life. This could be the turning point where I go from being liberal to conservative. But it isn’t really. Here is what I have to say.

Screw the whales. Screw the dolphins. Screw the recyclers. Generally, screw the “green” jerkballs that focus on petty environmentalism. Extreme version … Captain Shephard is as good as Captain Kangaroo, irrelevant.

What is worse (or more important)? The petrol required to get the “activists” to the Antarctic or the whales? The cost of manufacturing the whale saver’s equipment or the taste of buttery whale meat? The Hummer or the Prius? Screw the pompous and pretentious Prius driver too.

Let the Japanese whalers harpoon those whales. The deeper issue is hugging seals when the entire island is sinking. Akin to Nero, apples and the fall of Rome.

By the time the whales are “saved” everything else in the ocean is gonna be dead. A giant septic pool.

We should all endeavor to kill whales. When they’re gone, hopefully these idiots will find something meaningful to focus on.

If you are under the impression that I don’t care take a moment to read my other posts including my plea for you to get arrested.

Filed under misguidance

Cold Towne (Impressions of Improv 101)

September 8, 2009 2 Comments

“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make”  The Beatles

WARNING TO READERS

To whoever might read this. If you were a 101 student @ Cold Towne Theatre during late Summer 2009 (Aug-Sept) in Austin Texas, next to I♥Video on Airport Blvd. with Lisa Jackson who is an EE by trade, but doesn’t do anything related to EE now, and a fellow named Brett was in your class who was really funny, this page may be of interest. If you have a similar blog, send me a link. OR if you don’t know what a blog is and would like me to tell you, send me an email.

Props for Peers

Steve Donovan is very sexy and has a deep voice.  Check out his non-wordpress blog site @ http://brevebronovan.blogspot.com/ or just click on the embedded youtube video 500 times from 500 different computers in 500 countries.

Summary (for those w/out the time)

The following is a super short list of the things the trainers at Cold Towne repeated hundreds of times.

  1. Make your partner look good
  2. Cooperate and play nice
  3. Listen, your partner might be endowing (either themselves or you).  Pay attention.
  4. There are no rules. Guidelines are extremely helpful when starting out
  5. Support you partner’s reality
  6. Every instinct and action is Awesome
  7. Get out of your frontal lobe, stop worrying about how you look, you look great
  8. Mime things, practice miming daily.  Don’t make your action so complex.
  9. Asking questions, or interrogating your partner, isn’t really that funny.  Develop your own character.
  10. Be specific about your character’s hopes, dreams and aspirations.  Then magnify it by 1000.

Impressions and Lessons and Other Scattered Thoughts of Improv 101 at Cold Towne Theatre (so far, according to J):

  1. It’s not necessarly about comedy, rather self awareness. There are about 1 jizzillion definitions of improv. In the end, it’s about making your partner look good. It is about accepting their reality.
  2. People are coming to shows, with beer in hand, to laugh.  It’s not that hard. You are not failing if they don’t laugh. Art is about provoking thought. Be provocative.
  3. Be yourself, dont be afraid. Especially if you’re in a workshop. “It’s a lab, try everything” says Brett.
  4. At least one person in the audience is gonna think you’re not funny, so what.
  5. It’s therapeutic. Explore themes that are familiar. Not only do you know them, but you can feel them. Don’t strive for resolving past hurts. Remember, this is comedy, but work in areas that you can relate.
  6. There is nothing that is “wrong”.  Everything is right.  No need to argue or disclaim.  Practice experiencing the other’s reality.
  7. Life stories have themes, themes can be branched off into opening lines.
  8. Developing the “where” in a scene may come last. Explore the plotless improv. To “cooperate and discover” is another way of stating “Yes and …” Plotless improv begins with who you are and what you are. The plot, where the scene goes, naturally evolves. Concentrate on your point of view (POV). I am a bartender, these people work for me. I am a middle manager, I want to be more, I have people that report to me, so pressure is from the top and bottom.
  9. Keep busy with objects, miming objects, if you don’t have anything to say.
  10. Understand what you want to get out of it.  Each class, ask yourself, why the hell did I come here tonight?  Do I want to laugh at Brett?  Do I want to ask questions to John that I know he can’t answer?  Do I want to imagine myself as Steve Donovan’s fraternal twin?  Do I want to go on stage?  Just think about it.  Often know what you want before you do something, even if it is the same thing over and over and over and over again, ask yourself.  ”What the Flock am I doing here?”
  11. Do vocal warmups that are silly like “A Fly and a Flea in a Flue, were imprisoned, now what should they do? Said the Fly “Let us Flea!!!”  ”Let us FLY!!!” said the flea.  So they flew through a flaw in the Flue

More Scatterings (notes from Plotless Improv taught by superstar Rich Talarico taken on my iPhone when I wasn’t laughing)

  • Who and what.  If you are leading with this, plot will inevitably develop
  • Establish and discover, together.  This cooperation and discovery is just another way of saying “Yeah! And …”
  • Avoid plot, focus on relationships, things you are miming, shop talk, blah blah, it will quickly become obvious to you and your improv buddy where you are. Start with what helps, what comes natural.
  • Who and where start with that.  What is in your hands, really work with it and feel it.  Establish a “something” that IS NOT complex.  If you miming what a lab technician does during lunch break, your partner and your audience won’t get it.  Make your mime simple and clear.  Let your interaction with the thing define who you are and where you are.  Why you are there and what is gonna happen is stil; up in the aid
  • Shop talk when dialogue starts, what would a character that has been given your endowments do, what are they thinking, what are their hopes, dreams, aspirations and something else.
  • Cooperate and discover another way of saying YES AND
  • Thinking about suppporting someone elses point of view
  • Do something for ten minutes of something every day MIME
  • Half done is well begun.  Rich Talarico said this about 31 times.  It’s pretty simple, super accurate.
  • Rich recommended that every take a look at the liner notes from the best selling Jazz record ever, “Kind of Blue”.  Certainly, many folks that do improv have read this.  For those who haven’t, I am only providing a piece, if your interested in the who version, look it up on a search engine.  Finding it was fun.  Anyhow, not only is it the greatest jazz album, it was entirely improvized.  Bill Evans, the pianist, wrote this in the liner notes, 1959:

This conviction that direct deed is the most meaningful reflections has prompted the evolution of the … unique disciplines of the … improvising musician.


Group improvisation is a further challenge. Aside from the weighty technical problem of collective coherent thinking, there is the very human, even social need for sympathy from all members to bend for the common result. This most difficult problem, I think, is beautifully met and solved on this recording.


Miles Davis presents [on Kind of Blue] frameworks which are exquisite in their simplicity and yet contain all that is necessary to stimulate performance with sure reference to the primary conception.


Miles conceived these settings only hours before the recording dates and arrived with sketches which indicated to the group what was to be played.

  • POV Exercise: Inanimate object’s and their point of view.   This was a lot of fun to watch.  The audience was asked to shout out things that you’d expect to find in a glovebox.  About 30 suggestions were identified.  The performers were then asked to select one of the objects and become the object.  In the glovebox, for example, the performers choose to be a flashlight, an insurance card, a cellphone charger and a stick of gum.  Then the scene began.  Each performer was then to develop the POV of their object.  The insurance card was statistical and matter of fact. The flashlight realized that his batteries were corroding and the troupe lifted his spirits be discussing other potential uses for a flashlight, like a blunt instrument for fighting.  The point, deeply consider what you are endowed with and create the character around it.  These developments in POV eventually lead to a plot, or maybe not.  Some other iterations included a Junk Drawer and Grandma’s living room.
  • Keep busy with objects if you don’t have anything to say.  Quickly and clearly go out with something you are doing, to establish the character, for example washing dishes and shaking a mixed drink.
  • A character’s Point of View (hopes, dreams, fears, aspirations) is naturally established through shop talk.  One of the character in a specific scene, was discussed in depth.  The middle manager in a WalMart.  What would that person’s hopes, dreams and fears be?  Knowing these qualities, how might they interact if they were sitting at lunch break with a senior manager.  What would they say?  What would the shop talk be if interacting with a subordinate?
  • Follow your own thread once you establish POV
  • At some point, someone asked something along the lines of “what is the reason for this exercise? It’s not as if we ever do this?” or “Can we include this ‘other’ improv technique while practicing this new one?”  Rich gave a response that is fitting for for any type of question of this sort.  ”A boxer in training jumps rope every day for several months in reparation for a bout.  Although the boxer never jumps rope when boxing.”
  • 1000 pots.  Not sure when or how this fable/myth/story came about.  But Rich told the story of 1000 Pots.  I looked around for the actual story on a thousand differne t websites, but couldn’t find it.  Maybe he made it up.  A professor asked the students to create 1000 clay pots.  He divided the class into two teams.  The first team was directed to create one “perfect” pot.  The second team was asked to create 999 pots.  The students went off to work.  Upon completion, the professor’s hypothesis was proven.  After analyzing each pot with specific criteria, the “perfect” pot emerged from of the work of second team.  Through practice, trial, error and repetition that finer craftsmen ascend.

Exercises – Just of list of exercises to warm up and connect.

Note: In college, at least for the first 2 years, I studied Theatre Arts.  I performed in over 20 shows both professionally and as a student (alot less as a student).  The warms ups and exercises of a stage actor have a different outcomes than that of the improv performer.  The stage actor seeks to warm up the body and the voice with various tongue twisters and songs, etc.  Often these exercises are led by the director and the entire cast participates.  The intent of the warmups for improv performers is to clear the mind and connect with the team.  The stage actor warms the voice and body; The improv actor connects and clears the mind.

  • My favorite – Where have my Fingers Been?  The chant goes … Where have my fingers been, I said where have my fingers been, SAY Whaat? (or Oh Noooo or Uhh Huhh!).  As you go around the circle, your right hand partner will endow you with a location … then you perform a scene between your 2 index figures in the endowed location.  Your index fingers are the characters.  You can do what ever the hell you want, but keep it under 30 seconds.  When done with the finger scene, start the chant, then endow a location on your
  • Chezhoslavikia. Sha boom Sha Boom.  Yugoslavia sha boom sha boom.  let’s get the rhythm of the (hands, feet, hips, etc).  Simultaneously doing a patterned clapping thing to the rhythm of the chant
  • Passing the Clap.  In a circle, as if you were tossing a ball, you make visual connection with someone, then clap.  Simultaneously, the recipient (the person you visually connected with) claps.  Then the recipient passes the clap to someone else in the circle.  connect with another
  • Protest.  Four words.  Then chant like a protester.

More Randomness that May Seem Less Random

  • Make references to come back to like “I learned blah blah”ha
  • 2 people in reality is drama; 1 person in reality and 1 person in not reality is  comedy
  • It’s ok too not try to be funny

Filed under art perspectives Tagged with

Parthenocarpy

August 9, 2009 Leave a comment

Does anyone follow M-W words of the day OR have a screensaver that displays words and definitions?

I do. I saw Parthenocarpy early this morning. What a word!

I have long believed that M-W has purposefully placed significant words to their daily postings. I remember during the elections and during not-so democratic actions by the former administration, times that M-W would define words with implicit meanings to current events.

Parthenocarpy? How does this relate? I browsed the headlines on AP News (Aug 9) and here is what I saw:

  1. “Obama presses for new tone in US ties with Mexico”,
  2. “1 million evacuated as powerful typhoon hits China”,
  3. “7 bodies pulled from Hudson after midair collision”,
  4. “Chavez urges military to be prepared for conflict”,
  5. “Immune system cancer found in young 9/11 officers”,
  6. “Iran judiciary looks to calm prison abuse outrage”,
  7. “‘The View’ star Hasselbeck has 3rd child, a boy”,
  8. “Damon, Teixeira power Yankees to 5-2 win over Sox”,
  9. “Tiger rallies to win at Firestone”and
  10. “SC gov’s plane use questioned”

Oh, btw, M-W defines Parthenocarpy as “the production of fruits without fertilization”. You probably already knew this if you clicked the above link.

A few of the headlines feel somewhat related, but one is worth reading. “Chavez urges military to be prepared for conflict”. I could see myself describing the situation in Venezuela with the word “parthenocarpy.” It might be a stretch, but I could use the word for describing stories #1, 6, 7 (no brainer) and 10.

M-W words that are promoted in screensavers or by email or rss, have a anti-”horoscope” type effect on me. By anti, I mean that horoscopes tell the future, M-W words make me think about the present.

I read the definition of “parthenocarpy”, read the headlines and made an association. It’s my association. I associated the definition with the Chavez headline.

Why do we hate Chavez sooooo much? Is Venezuela really a threat. My assertion is that Chavez has some similarity to Barry Bonds. They are both dickheads. We are disgusted by their actions, but for some reason, we accept them on the playing field. We, as Americans, righteously sing/chant our discontent when they appear in the headlines, or stepped up to bat, or made a press appearance, or whatever. We band together and trumpet BOOOOO!!!

The differences between Bonds and Chavez are, needless to mention, significant. One that i’ll focus on is what we know versus what we don’t. I’d bet that 94.3% of Chavez haters, don’t know about the situation. They Booo becuase their neighbors tell them to. Non-Booers are anti-America. On the other hand, 93.6% of Bonds haters know alot and are proud of their studiousness. They know baseball, they know steriods, they know a liar, and are justified.

What I know about Latin America, its politics and economies, and the history of Venezuela, assists me in not being too surprised with our national dislike of Chavez. He is a belligerent asshole, who without apology, disses the US whenever the opportunity arises. When Americans are dissed, they typically jump in a fight. The word “typically” is an important clarifier. In this context it means IF the “disser” is sitting on top of a boatload of Texas Tea, THEN we fight ELSE we call them a lunatic, a nutjob. North Korea’s boss is a crazy looking short, balding goof. No worries. Saddam, Achmedahdedachmenadeenajob, Chavez and the rest are NOT nutjobs purely due to their geological fortunes.

Ok. These guys are all nutty. But the ones we go after, the ones where we can justify military intervention towards, are the ones that have boatloads of oil.

At least 1/3 of Venezuela’s cash flow is derived from it’s bubbling crude.

Venezuela is a beautiful world. In my case, mythical. It is the country where my oldest brother was conceived. It is the country that my parents served in the Peace Corps during the late 60′s, it kept Dad out of Vietnam, and I am grateful. It is the country where my Father became a pinball wizard. A witch doctor healed my Mom there, from what I don’t know, but apparently it worked. Venezuela is a third world, struggling for survival. Venezuela is a beautiful, mythical world.

So what about Hugo? In my fantasy, he is a guy trying to wear Robin Hood’s tights, without looking gay; Rhetorically damning the overly fortunate and inspiring the downtrodden. What is wrong with this? We encourage “faith” and “hope” to everyone who is without means. The most purely religious folks I have me, are dirt-ass poor. They pray and pray and pray. They walk the talk. Unlike the the very well endowed religious folks that contort the bible to elicit hate and to justify bad behavior.

I am not religious btw. Or at least I don’t go to church. I am not a church hater though. I just like to sleep in. I believe in God, but I have very little expectations. I believe in evolution and science too.

Hugo is “producing fruits that aren’t ripened”. That’s cool. Isn’t that what we all do? For example, I want to get a motorcross dirt bike. Allison is doesn’t really support the idea. SO what do I do? I slowly, cautiously, ripen the fruit, By the time it’s ready for consumption, she is hungry. I get the bike, she is happy and filled. And when I crash and get head stitches, she is excitedly licensed to say, “I told you so”

I don’t think that Hugo Chavez is as evil as we percieve. He may look funny and say offensive stuff, but he’s not a threat. He is speaking to all Latin Americans who feel bungholed by North America. There is alot of stuff that the US has done to Latin America that would justify great discontent, hatred and anger. Hugo Chavez might be ripe (ripe could mean that he needs deodorant, or it may mean fresh, as in someone who talks smack).

I really like the word “parthenocarpic”. I also like the many meanings of ripe. I don’t like Barry Bonds and I am not an advocate of Hugo Chavez. It’s my opinion. That’s all. I am a ripening fruit.

Filed under misguidance

Aum, Om, Ohm, Hohm, Uhmm

July 11, 2009 Leave a comment

Like so many other things, I get an idea which was NOT on my daily prioritized todo list, and it diverts my attention for about 14 hours. (I started this post on July 7 and after this sentence, I realized I had to get back to task!)

Uhhmmm ... WTF?

Uhhmmm ... WTF?

Today (actually July 7), it was about an announcement made yesterday (July 6) by Microsoft.  The “beta” launch of hohm.com (that’s not really the address, but it’s riveting, it’s wrong, it’s a bastardization of a sacred word for both Hindus and Electrical Engineers!)

Microsoft’s Hohm is an attempt to get more information from you.  I registered for the service and it took about an hour.  First I had to create a Microsoft Live (something like that) account.  I had to become a registered Microsoft user.  Once that was complete, I could access this burdening service.  By “burdening” I mean that they ask about 3 zillion questions.  I stopped when my profile was about 26% complete.  So overall, there is roughly 12 zillion questions.

Before I proceed, a general question.  Do I really want Microsoft to know this much information about me?  Do I want to let them inside my house, into my attic, into my sacred fridge?  No.  Hell NO.  Same issue I have with Google. There was a point when I was unknowingly giving the guys in Redmond a bunch of personal information.  Then I switched over to freely available, open source versions of their office suite. I had freed myself.  (Well not really, I started using Google, when he was young and handsome.)

The purpose of this post was to provide a few definitions from Wikipedia.

  1. Aum – Aum (also Om, written in Devanagari as ॐ, in Chinese as 唵, in Tibetan as ༀ, in Sanskrit known as praṇava प्रणव lit. “to sound out loudly” or oṃkāra ओंकार lit. “oṃ syllable”) is a mystical or sacred syllable in the Indian religions, including Hinduism, Sikhism, Jainism, and Buddhism.
  2. Om – see above.
  3. Ohm – (symbol: Ω) is the SI unit of electrical impedance or, in the direct current case, electrical resistance, named after Georg Simon Ohm.
  4. Hohm –  Microsoft Hohm is an online web application by Microsoft that enables consumers to analyze their energy usage and provides energy saving recommendations. Announced on June 24, 2009, Microsoft Hohm is built on the Windows Azure cloud operating system. It was publicly released on July 6th, 2009.
  5. Hohmann transfer orbit – is an orbital maneuver using two engine impulses which, under standard assumptions, move a spacecraft between two coplanar circular orbits. This maneuver was named after Walter Hohmann, the German scientist who published a description of it in 1925. (See also interplanetary travel.)
  6. Uhm – Not from Wikipedia, rather urbandictionary.com. A sound made by those who are rectally intelligent to realize that they must already have thought of an accurate response before opening their mouth to make any sound. Usually used when you are talking to a complete ass.

So, which above definition is closest to “Microsoft Holm”?  My assertion, #6 “Uhm”.  The rest don’t seem to align.  The other definitions are pillars of religion, pillars of scientific theory.

You have to be one astronomical, jerk-off, wannabe, pretentious pile of crap to repurpose and rebrand  a sacred word.  Why not just call the web application built on a a privatized Azure cloud, “Jesus”.  (see http://uber.la/archives/2355 for justification of “privatize” and a good dose of righteous humor.) Why not just come out and say it Microsoft, you want to be Big Brother, just as much as your other Big Brother Google.  Don’t fake it.  I don’t want you as a brother if you’re gonna act like a Mother&*%#er.

Filed under misguidance Tagged with ,

EOG: Official Google Divorce (Sort of)

July 10, 2009 Leave a comment

It’s done.  My Google Account is gone.

If you are interested in joining the anti-big-brother-cancel-google revolution with me, here are the simple instructions:  ”Canceling your Gmail address“!  Funny, this is answer 8152 in Gmail’s Help Topics.  I am sure there are 10′s of thousands of help topics, but you’d think that canceling would be in the 100′s, not the thousands.

If you haven’t followed, I have blogging about this divorce.  See the the memesist tag Divorce, for example.  http://memesist.wordpress.com/tag/divorce/  Or just read below if you’re coming from the trimmed url.

Initially, I was planning on a more comprehensive divorce.  Surgically removing each application from my Google profile.  But, I don’t have the time.  So, I decided the “nuclear” approach was most efficient.  It always is.

Shortly, the few folks that are still in my address book will get a notification, the final notification.  These folks will get my new email addr.

Goodbye emails from Papa Johns, Goodbye emails from AT&T Account Manager, Goodbye Zappos (I am still a customer though), see you later over-hyped EarthAid, ReserveAmerica, CVS, Watchovia, Wells Fargo and others.

Goodbye GOOGLE.  It’s been a pleasure feeding off your brilliance, slurping your nectars.  Sadly, your blood has gone sour.  I am off to look for another host.  Hello Bing, Hello again Yahoo! How’s it going WolframAlpha!

Oh, btw, the “sort of” in the subject line, refers to the unfortunate, inevitable reality that every now and then, Google will need to be used.  I’ll temper this when possible.  But if I bump into Google in a public place, I will be gentlemanly, I will say hello warmly, then proceed to the next guest.

Postscript:  Someone recently alerted me to the amount of data that creditors have on me.  That’s the next campaign, get rid of credit.  Sometime, ask me about the other businesses that I am boycotting.  Despite the positive message from their PR departments, they are NOT in it for you, they care about their stakeholders.

Filed under misguidance Tagged with , ,

Update: Divorcing Google

June 10, 2009 Leave a comment

I had no idea.  I didn’t think this would be sooooo much work.  Have you ever tried removing one application from google.  It’s about as fun as uninstalling something from microsoft.

A few posts ago, I reported that I removed reader.google.com.  Today, to my surprise, my reader account was still active.  I tried removing my calendar.google.com today, and every time I selected delete – then got the popup “are you sure” – I would find that my calendar was still there.

It took about an hour to removed docs.google.com.  There was a lot of stuff there.  Some top-secret strategic information for a company that has since been acquired by a bigger fish, so it doesn’t matter,  There were also several resumes, several home finance spreadsheets, some personal stuff, some embarrassing stuff, etc.  Google had access to all of this stuff.  Not saying that they looked at it.  I am really very unimportant.  But I bet google has a way of parsing all of the kagillionzillion words posted in docs and doing something maniacal with it … like selling marketing or adsense or words or something.  Why did it take sooo ling?  You have to download and remove one file at a time.  Each download and remove takes around 30 seconds.  So, guess how many files I had up there?

So, another accomplishment, I am off docs.google.com

FYI … there is a 30 second approach from separating entirely from Google.  Just wipe out your username.  But doing so would defeat the purpose of this project.  The purpose, or my purpose, is to understand exactly everything that they have access to.  Understand how they could – not stating they did – use my information to categorize, bucket, understand and group me into a larger group by which they could monetize with targeted marketing and sales.

I also cut off books.google.com, but that was easy.

Filed under misguidance Tagged with ,

Irreconcilable

May 24, 2009 Leave a comment

I told a friend in a real face to face meeting about my plans to move forward without Google and his response was simple.  “It’s creepy enough that they’ve photographed your house!”

Really. Who took this picture. Could this be a violation of Privacy? I am sure to some it isn't.

Really. Who took this picture? Could this be a violation of Privacy? I am sure to some, this does not constitute a violation of privacy? But nobody asked me! I did NOT optin!

Irreconcilable Differences – They Know Too Much

  • Somebody, some agent of Google, stood (of drove) in front of my house, on my street, and took photographs.  What if my kids were playing in the front yard? You see the cars seats.  Is this an advertisement to the gnarley-ones that “We have Kids! Come on by!”  Is it necessary to make the License Plates readable?  Or the bumper stickers??? You know where I live, you know I have kids, you know my Mom’s silver car and her license plate.  Yes we have a minivan.  Great information for door to door marketing.  If you asked me, “Can I take your picture?” I’d be flattered.  I’d say Sure.  But you DIDN’T.  I did not agree, opt in, signup or give permission in any way.  I want to Google to remove this photo. It is creepy.
  • Even more creepy is the depth of data they have on the inside.  The difference is that I opted in for that.  Here’s why.  In his early years, Google was quite handsome.  His startup was impressive.  He battled the Blue giants and Monsters armies of softie micros and kicked ASS.  But the relationship has changed.  As he grew into a new type of federal reserve, he lost sight of his roots.  Money does that.  When Google went public on the most silvery shiny badass nitro nuclear rocket ship, stuff started to change. I don’t think Google cares much for me anymore.  They care alot ABOUT me, not FOR me.  Following is a list of data that I have shared with him over the years:
  1. All my contacts, and information about who I contact the most.
  2. All my most personal, intimate thoughts I have shared with my wife.
  3. All my least personal thoughts about everything ranging from box turtle care to methods for dental care.
  4. All of my purchases that were confirmed over email. Books, Hats, toenail clippers.  Ughhhh!
  5. My favorite RSS feeds
  6. Very confidential (top secret) business information as well as practice bubble charts in docs.google
  7. Lots of critically important dates in calendar.google.com
  • Now, they are getting in tight with Big Energy and Utilities.  They have big plans with big friends like GE.  The only thing I like about GE is their medical equipment division and 30 Rock.  Big utility providers like PG&E, PEPCO, TXU, Reliant, DTE, and many more are teaming with Google to set up fancy monitors on your residential meters to feed energy consumption data to your google account.  A search engine company? OMMFG!!!  They are now going to know about my energy usage.  I wasn’t really concerned about giving up my search terms, or my emails with Google.  But they have simply gone to far.  I often think that Google is gonna suffer the fate of Icarus.  Bing, Yahoo, Wolfram or someone else is gonna play the role of either the Sun or the Ocean on Googles wax/feather wings.  I know, Google has played a significant role in making data access way better than ever possibly imagined 3 years ago.  But the moment they went public, the data-freedom fighters became the institution they fought against.  Now, like Walmart, it is an institution that I want to avoid.
  • Let’s just say, that in the early days, the founders were thinking of naming the company “ogle”.  Defined by urban dictionary, Ogle, is to “to look at someone as if ones eyes are about to pop out of ones head.”  Then, just for fun, let’s say that in the early months, the same founders realized the ogle.com was already taken, so they added another “o” to make “oogle”.  Defined by urban dictionary, “Oogles are street rats that don’t have street smarts. They are the ICP kids, the tweekers on bikes, the 15 year olds who runaway cause they think it’s cool, not cause their lives at home weren’t working out.”  Hmmmm.  At the moment they considered “oogle” the founders read urban dictionary and realized the bad idea.  So, they tried a number of other options, like boogle, toogle, soogle, foogle, doogle, roogle, and others.  Nothing was working.  Then the very first Stanford Phd Mathematician finally spoke up.  He was trying earnestly to call attention away from himself by flicking boogers and drawing moustaches on guys in playgirl.  But he finally spoke up.  ”Googol! The 3rd largest known number. Let’s be a big number!” Nobody knew what he was talking about.  Nobody ever really listened to him.  He kinda looked like he was carrying 5 seperate strains of flu and colds, anemic.   Nevertheless, the founders of Googol, liked it, but didn’t know how to spell it.    B-I-N-G-O B-I-N-G-O B-I-N-G-O and Google was it’s name-o.  The point of this ramble, was the unhealthy process by which they derived the name of the company.  SOOOOO?  Why didn’t they choose “Graham’s Number“?   What if we knew of Google as Graham?

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Some Progress. Some Fears.

May 22, 2009 Leave a comment

Previously on Memesist, I announced I was divorcing myself from a tie (made of many smaller ties) that has bound and nearly gagged me.  A tie that was choking me.  A tie that was trying to starve me. Google!

This week was busy, hectic, uncertain, high, low and every night I numbed out until early morning, then started it over again.  Lot’s occurred, but I can’t entirely remember. Next week I will make three simple goals, and go after them with focus.

I am proud of three very recent accomplishments that occured in the last 60 minutes amidst several, unrelated phone calls and emails.  I have cut a few of the smaller ties.

  • DONE! Unhook from the reader.google.com
  • DONE! Shut down analytics.google.com
  • DONE! Clear my schedule from calendar.google.com

I didn’t expect it to be easy.  Anticipated it would be tricky.  These assumptions probably were the reason that it took an hour.  I lived up to my own expectations.

Whatever.  Three of the binds are severed.  In order to shut down the whole deal, to remove account entirely, I have about 8 or 9 other binds to snip.

But I accomplished something today.  Just want me to be clear about that, for myself.

They know too much.  Absolute knowledge corrupts absolutely.  I know I have bastardized the previous statement.  Please don’t correct me.

Here is what I am afraid of aside from my kids getting either mugged or lice.  I am afraid that google will cripple me and my entreprenuerial endeavors.  Cripple as in remove all my bones.  Could they do this.  Yep.  I am less than a spec of dust in a giant’s eye (another kimya reference).  I could get blacklisted.  They could send rays of combined internet buzzes from a satelitte orbitting over me now, of a photographer taking pictures of the building in which I compose this, and electrocute/zap/scorch/singe me to a messy pile of w, w, w’s.  This is NO dramatic understatement.  They could.  They have absolute power.  More than the US GDP.

I just got off the phone with my therapist.  Last paragraph caused a panic attack.  In the worst case scenario, I could get zapped.  If this occurs, then, I’d write a book and become a kazillionaire!

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To Do List: Divorce Google

May 20, 2009 Leave a comment

In mid Feb 2009, the day after Valentines, when the sugar high went south, I realized that “Google is Out to Get Me“.

4 months later, I am officially declaring my intent to divorce myself (completely, comprehensively, 100%ly) from Google.

Heretoforthwith, I shall refer to the aforementioned company as a STGRB in reference to short term gamma ray bursts. STRGB will be italicized.

Actually, I am not, some readers have told me that they are confused.  In fact, it has sorta confused me.  So I plan to refer to Google as Google.  Just remember, they’re really headed toward a gamma ray burst.

Forthwith from here, I am gonna maintain a to-do list:

  1. Cancel google.mail accounts (4-7 of them) … this I am gonna have to do last, but I really want to do it first.
  2. Scrub down google mail contacts.  607 contacts over the years.  Only about 100 matter to me.
  3. DONE! (and a good way to drive traffic to blog) Announce to friends and family that I have divorced google and I can be reached via other means.
  4. Any accounts that use the old google account to verify anything (amazon, fb, wells fargo, etc.) need to get changed.
  5. DONE! Remove ALL data, documents, spreadsheets, etc for documents.google.com
  6. DONE! Unhook from the reader.google.com
  7. DONE! Shut down analytics.google.com
  8. DONE! Clear my schedule from calendar.google.com
  9. Remove all Google embedded functionality from browsers, open office (not MS) products, wherever they might be
  10. Start using other search engines.  Look for the nonames that are gonna be some names maybe someday soon
  11. Formally request full, binding, irrevocably legal separation and divorce publicly to Google.
  12. {Space reserved to todo}
  13. {Space reserved to todo}
  14. Hug my kids and pick them up from the laundromat.
  15. Be a great husband and not put our kids in dryers.
  16. Take my medicine.  Oh Crap.

Oh the places i’ll go to get away from Google.  I am soooooooooooo excited.  I feel like I am kicking a nasty habit.  Getting off the heroine.  Confessing my sins.  To EVERYONE.

Maybe the next blog will explain why.  Or maybe I’ll explain how costly this divorce could be from David’s (& Goliath, duh!) perspective.

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Why You Should Go To Jail

May 19, 2009 Leave a comment

Disclaimer:  I am not encouraging drunk driving, killing, destroying public property or anything! that breaks the laws in  a harmful, non-peaceful, detrimental, deceitful … way.

I am encouraging you go out and get arrested for something that you believe in.  Sit in a jail cell.  Jail cells happen to be the BEST place to meditate.  The BEST place to “become important, to realize your goal, in understanding your role in the context of the whole”  (more about that).

I have sat in jail a few times.  Nothing near the amount of time my friends have sat in jail.  My longest stay was about 23 hours before I got bailed.

Very Important Sidenote: Before getting arrested! Know some pro-bono lawyers that believe in you, your cause, and sharpee their numbers on your private parts.  The jail staff will pat you down, but they wont wash your privates.

I’ve know some people who have sat in jail for over 6 weeks, some 6 months, others are still there.  I am not a big believer in religion, but I ask God to bless them every day. Some in the US, others in Japan, Brazil, China, etc.  Yes, it’s true, getting arrested in the US or Canada is suggested.  We have our shortcomings, but it’s not so hard to get out of jail.

23 hours is a loooooong time to sit in the bowels of the dank and moldy catacombs of Washington, DC.  Especially after a ham sandwich (one slice on white bread, no pickles, no lettuce, no cheese) for a vegetarian.  And some red colored sugar water.  They told me it was Hi C.  It wasn’t.  Oh, this has nothing to do with diet.

Back to the point.  There are a number of ways you can test the level of commitment you have to an idea.  You can invest money or time, the more you invest, the more you commit.  You can work for someone that shares your idea.  You can move to wherever you idea is, if it geographic idea.  You can pay educational institutions gobs of money to further indoctrinate you to an idea that you previously committed to, and in the end, have a piece of paper to prove it.  OR

Get arrested.  Sit in jail.  Ask yourself, “Was this worth it?” I bet 95% of you would say “Hell Yes!”

Manoj Saxena (yeah, the Webify dude) told me don’t ever compromise your integrity, family or health in whatever you endeavor.

Getting arrested is the most truest, purest, real expressions of commitment to an idea.

So, what are your plans for the next 3 somethings (days, weeks, months, years)?  Do you believe strongly enough about your plans that you’d be willing to go to jail?  If not, are your plans really that important.

Disclaimer for Law Enforcement People:  I am encouraging nice people to visit you.  Good people with good hearts.

Another disclaimer for Law Enforcement People:  I live on Gilligan’s Island, outside of your jurisdiction, I think.

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